Saying goodbye

Today was most likely our last day seeing our daughter for the next month. While we fully realize that these visits are essentially for the parents good and most children that are very young will not remember the visit, it does give us some inclination of things to bring next trip (she appreciates balls, things that shake, things you hit and paper that tears) and photo memories for one day down the road. Bryan did pull all the right strings today to see if he could get me to cry...he, of course, won by asking if I thought we were going to say yes to the referral. I mean seriously. I'm holding this tiny little girl who in her 2 years of life has had 2 surgeries and bears the scars of both, has lost her family, been refused by so many and he seriously is going to ask me that? ME? This is the woman he's witnessed spend an hour at midnight catching a half dead kitten that we thought was paralyzed under a dumpster and tame it and nurse it back to health. He's witnessed an entire marriage conference giggle when the speaker pronounced my score on a personality test to be about one point from being Mother Theresa. Um, yeah, not a funny joke, although he got a good laugh out of knowing exactly how to play me and watching me tear up when I went off. Pain. We spent a few more loooooooooong hours with her today. There is just only so much you can do with a toddler you can't communicate with and construction going on in the orphanage grounds and no playground. She took advantage of people who would hold her and napped. It's amazing how heavy twenty pounds can be...but pretty cute too. Her soothing method is to shove both thumbs in her mouth and cover her face with her tiny little hands. Stealing her thumbs makes her maaad. The second visit we got smart and asked for a ball to bring out. She developed a game with Bryan (who she was a little afraid of as there are very few men they see in the orphanage) where she threw the ball and would pretend to fall down til he came to rescue her. The first rime she truly fell and apparently thought it was pretty fun to get rescued. After that she was giggling before he even got her most times. Her brothers are going to spoil her rotten. We've gotten to talk to the boys by Skype a couple times now which as been great. We put Skype on our phones before we left so we had a little easier and cheaper way to communicate. It's worked out really well. Bryan just got back from a run so we're going to head down for dinner and then maybe take a walk after some more pastries (shhhhhh! We have orders to only eat at the hotel restaurant as the coordinator does not know what else is safe in this town.) We figure pastries are a pretty safe cheat - that was our "thing" in Europe. We would look for bakeries and go after local bake goods as our treat. Yesterday we bought huge slices of something that looked like a slice of something covered with chocolate ( turned out to be slice of spongecake as crust with a slice of homemade marshmallow dipped in chocolate) and a ball of chocolate (basically a wad of brownie dough in taste and texture...). Part of the fun is having NO idea what you're getting. You just point and pay! Well, Bryan is finishing sky ping with the boys, so I guess update 3 is over. Tomorrow we file our paperwork and have our initial interview with the judge. We might fit in some souvenir shopping before we head back to Moscow. Oh...on that note we found out today that we needed to name her TODAY. We were not expecting that, so after some discussion we decided that the boys would get to choose her name. Before we left they all thought her name should be Esther Anastasia because Esther was the story of an orphan who became queen. So....her name is officially Esther Anastasia Lass. We plan on nicknaming her Essie.

Just a quick update. We didn't have any WI-fi at the hotel yesterday, so there was no communications available. We got spend even longer with her yesterday as we could just go straight to the orphanage. The first day they were careful to put her in dress clothes and brush her hair and put little hats on her. That was pretty much over yesterday. It was a little cool and rainy in the morning so we stayed inside for the first visitation. Tiny little dark and warm room with some giant stuffed animals that are a little creepy. She was very tired and cranky and ended up falling asleep. The second visitation we took her outside again...funny how we travelled halfway around the world to meet a child who loves books and music and the outdoors and has a high energy level. That seems vaguely familiar. ;) As a side note...my goodness orphanages are rough places! She has bruises and bumps all over from kids being rough with each other (we walked in yesterday just as a bigger kid tried to take a toy from her and she clocked him over the head with it. That seems to be standard procedure.) She was dressed with less undershirts today so we checked her belly and were shocked at the scars from her surgery. Two huge scars on such a tiny little tummy. I can't even imagine what she has gone through so early in life with that intensive of surgery. I don't imagine the medical care for her is quite as delicate and thorough as it would e for someone else here. We head back today for 2 more visitations and then tomorrow meet with the judge for an interview and to turn in some paperwork (essentially filing for the adoption here in Russia).

It's been a long few days. I say "few days" because at this point I'm not really sure exactly how many days it's been. We lost a day during the flight so I'm thinking we just finished Friday and you all are just beginning it. The flight was long. 3 flights over 16+ hours with stops in Minneapolis and Amsterdam. Coming back we can look forward to 22 hours, which should be a great time. :) We arrived in Moscow around 6:45 in the evening and met the coordinator here on the Russian end. He speaks very fluent English with little accent(yay!)and reminds us of the guy on Ratatouille. Very informative and much more clear on exactly what this process entails here in the country and region. The town we are in is about halfway between Moscow and St Petersburg. it reminds me a lot of the UP of Michigan and Northern WI where my grandparents live, except with giant vegetation which I totally didn't expect. To Natasha-you like aspens. You should see these. Huge. Whatever the biggest Aspen you've seen in the States is, double it. Same goes for our normal cedar. Lots of undergrowth and these big flowers over 6 feet tall with huge, table size leaves and dinner plate size clusters of white flowers. Those grow in their own mini "forests". Lots of water with the Volga coming right through this area. The drive from the airport to our hotel was about 3 hours even though it's relatively close. Traffic is...entertaining. But having Thailand to compare to keeps it in perspective for us! They do not have lanes but rather a road all vehicles have in common. However many you can fit is how many lanes there are at any given time. If you are making a turn you just inching into oncoming traffic until a gap opens up big enough to shoot through. Traffic moves fast and there is no such thing as pedestrian right aways, even though buses stop in the middle of the road and traffic to let passengers out and pick up new ones! The roads are in fairly bad disrepair with a lot of potholes so if you do get a relatively open stretch of road the cars go through the potholes like a slalom course. Our hotel is nice, pretty Americanized and seems to cater to adoptive parents (since there is little tourism in this area, adoptive parents are one of the larger groups of foreigners this town sees). We ate breakfast in the hotel, which was, well, not your normal continental breakfast. Meatballs, sausage, crepes stuffed with the meatball mixture, some squares of cottage cheese mixture with, as far as I could tell, mayo (apparently a very common condimen/ sauce here), tomatoes, cucumbers and fruit along with a milky hot dish I would guess was a variation of porridge. At 9 we met our coordinator, Andrei, to begin our day. We had several small steps that needed to be taken before our visitation at the orphanage - meeting with the lady in charge of the Dept of education which includes the database of orphans and picking up the social worker who needed to be there for the first visit to observe us with the child and will later report to the judge her opinion of how we treated her. So not at all intimidating. The first stop we got to find out a little more, like her birthday, and officially file for the referral here in Russia. If you're still reading, chances are it's just to get to this point. :). How do you even explain meeting a child that can't speak your language while being observed by a room full of people? I think at one count it was us and 4 other adults in a tiny little room. We had been cautioned several times by Andrei that she was very shy, very attatched to a couple of caregivers and that she had cried and wouldn't go near the other lady. We had to wait a few minutes while they dressed her (much fancier than normal clothing). Just to keep us guessing and apparently to work with us to impress everyone, she came to us with no hesitation at all. We were told later that this really impressed everyone as it was very unusual for her. We spent about a half hour under observation and then the social worker gave us more specifics on her case and the orphanage doctor came down to answer any questions (which were very few as the other lady who had met her asked many, many questions of several doctors which was passed on to us). At that point someone decided we were good and we ushered outside with her and abandoned. :) What do you do with a kid who can't understand a word you're saying? She was very impressed with the book (thank you Grace!)of photos of her brothers (brats in Russian, pronounced like the sausage, not the naughty kid). She was very interested in the social workers purse so we played a rousing game of empty and taste everything in mom's purse instead. As a side note, just after she came into the room she chucked her toy at someone. Bryan said his first impulse was to apologize for his kid's behavior just like she was one of the boys. Nastia ("a" as in "awe" - while her given name is Anastasia, they call her this nickname) was very active. Outside was much more conducive to really interacting with her. We jumped off the curb, threw sticks and got to see a little more of her personality. Let's just say, to anyone who said she would need to be tough to deal with 4 brothers, I think she can hold her own. She is very tiny and you would guess from her size and development that she is just over a year, rather than over 2 yes old. Our visit was probably a little over an hour til she needed to go back in. We ran and grabbed lunch and a short nap before going back for a much more informal visit - as in, here's the kid, just don't leave the grounds. We had a fairly long amount of time and at some point someone had mentioned that she loves music so Bryan pulled out his phone and put a little Burlap to Cashmere going. She was fairly hesitant of him (they see very few men), right up til then. It took about half a song for her to decide that Burlap to Cashmere rocks ( which they do) and that a tiny portable device that plays music may be the single coolest thing she's ever had. Most of the remainder of the time she rocked out (literally...the boys may have to assign her as drummer in the band...) and pitched a massive fit (feet kicking, screaming, bloodcurdling crying and a death grip on the phone) when the song stopped (as songs do) or we tried to touch the phone. The coordinator popped out to check on us and tried to touch it just to see if we were really serious. He thought it was pretty funny. Like a true American child, she spent most of the time with the cell phone held up to her ear. We were able to stay at the orphanage for much longer - I'm thinking close to 2 hours. We had heard many people talk about only seeing the child once or twice or a few minutes before they completed the adoption. This region works very differently and the judge will specifically ask how many times we saw her and likes it to be a lot. That being said, since we are here on a weekend (unusual due to the vacation in July beginning Monday - the judge is coming in to meet with us to do the initial interview on what's technically her first day of vacation), we actually get a day extra of visitation, so we should see her twice tomorrow and Sunday for those same lengths of time. We were not prepared for that and next time will bring more busy toddler interactive toys since rocks and a refill of new items in the purse and the cell phone got a little old! Tomorrow we hope to have a little more downtime to walk around town a little. Meanwhile it's 11 here and in a bid to fight the jet lag I should probably get to bed. Prayer requests: for my allergies to behave - the amount of vegetation in much larger form of trees and grasses we have in Gillette is not helpful for my asthma and I'm getting really severe side aches from it. Pray also that paperwork on Monday goes smoothly and that our meeting with the judge goes well. :)

You're....adopting?

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that we caught a lot of people off guard when we announced our decision to adopt.  Responses ranged from excitement to confusion to essentially pretending we hadn't said anything until months down the road when they realized it wasn't a joke.  But we still hear the question. A lot.  Why?
Yep. We have 4 kids.  Yes, most people think that is MORE than enough children.  Yes, we're really adopting.
We first talked about adoption more than a decade ago.  No one knew.  We were young, had only been married a few years and were thinking about starting a family.  We're both pretty practical people with an analytical lean and tend to think through things from mulitple angles before we make decisions.  Nothing is guaranteed when having children.  We both agreed that if we had problems or somehow couldn't have kids, we would feel God was calling to adopt.  While you know the end of that story, we did have some problems.  It took a full 2 years for me to have Isaac.  Inevitably, if you're young and healthy and it doesn't happen instantly, you get serious in the "what if" discussion.  We discussed adoption again.
Fast forward a decade and 4 boys.  Everytime a boy was born one of us would jokingly say, "Well, I guess we'll have to adopt a girl someday...hahahahahaha".  It wasn't that we weren't satisfied with what God was giving us.  It was simply that adoption was in the back of our minds.
Somewhere in the joking, we actually discussed the pros and cons of international vs domestic adoption.  We have several different friends who have adopted. A couple of them, in particular, we watched for literally a decade, try to adopt.  Both of us agreed that, while every child that is coming from a difficult past or has been abandoned or in foster care has a higher risk of becoming a statistic, international orphans face almost insurmountable odds.  Like it or not, we do still live in the United States and opportunities are there for anyone who really wants to find them and work for it.  In other countries, that's not the case.  We also both agreed that we would not feel right standing in line in front of couples like our friends who had tried to adopt for so long and couldn't go overseas.  We would want to go somewhere where there wasn't a line.  Somewhere where if we didn't provide a home, there might well not be another.  We would want the child that had no hope.
My pregnancies were not easy.  What we realize now was probably enhanced by my allergies, was miserable.  I was sick, I had back pain so severe that at times I couldn't walk and would literally have to work up to getting out of bed or getting into the car.  My feet swelled so badly that I couldn't wear shoes.  The bigger our family got, the more difficult it was for me to function.  My labors and deliveries were not easy.  We had always thought we would have 4 kids and when the last boy was born, we decided that, for the overall good of the family and my own health, we were finished.  It wasn't long after we made that decision that I began thinking about a daughter.  I had always heard people say that a woman goes through those thoughts when she knows she's done with babies and I assumed that it was simply that.  However, instead of going away, the feeling became more intense.  I remember laying in bed and just praying that God would take away this desire that I had no idea where it was coming from and make me satisfied with the beautiful family He had given me.  But, increasingly, it seemed to be an idea coming from Him, not from me.  Eventually, that feeling turned to adoption.  In the beginning of the summer of 2010, I started praying differently.  I began to pray that IF God was calling me to adopt, He would give Bryan that same calling.  While he knew I was struggling a little with the idea of being done having kids, he didn't know that adoption had crossed my mind.  If God calls one spouse to do something, He will call the other to support it.  So I started praying.  2 months later, in August of 2010, Bryan, out of the blue, said, "I think maybe we should look at adopting a little girl."
I wasn't 100% sure he was serious, but that day I got online and ran a search for international adoption.  I chose the first one that looked reputable and filled out an information request.  2 weeks later, we got a pretty blue folder in the mail.  We were driving to Denver that weekend, so for fun and knowing we were trapped in the car for 6 hours, I took the folder along and read it outloud to Bryan.  It was a weekend trip.  Halfway back to Gillette, we realized the pro and con list we were making had eternal "pros" and temporal "cons".  On the pros were things like providing a stable family for a child who had none.  On the cons were things like "what do we do with the kids for 3 weeks while we fly somewhere?".  How do you tell God "no" when you're looking at choosing something eternal over something for temporary convenience?
Our conversation changed to "where?".  Immediately we narrowed it down to China or Russia.  There wasn't really a rhyme or reason.  We knew we would be adopting a girl and those 2 country seemed to jump out at us.  By the time we got home we knew we were adopting and I had a list: choose a country and an agency.
Bryan assigned me to choose the country.  He said that THIS is where the whole woman emotional pull thing might come in handy.  He also knows I love to research.  My job was to research the 2 countries and decide which one I felt more strongly pulled toward.  China had a long wait.  A LONG wait.  And it was really...happy.  Once you land in China for one long trip, you meet your child and they get to be with you from then on.  One site in particular made me laugh.  In the agreements for each country, there was a checklist of things for adoptive parents to be aware of.  Russia had a long list.  A detailed list.  Things not to talk about and who not to talk about them in front of.  Do not jaywalk.  Do not talk about this.  It was pretty scary sounding.  China said...we look forward to helping you adopt from China!  With a little sunshine in the corner.  Russia scared the snot out of me.  It also became more and more clear that was where we were supposed to be.  Bryan said, "So, we're going with the more expensive, more travel required, more dangerous one?"  Yep, it sounded crazy and absolutely all common sense said to pick China, but Russia...Russia broke my heart.  700,000+ orphans.  Thousands aging out every year that have never been outside the orphanage.  No life skills. No vocation. 2 in 10 committing suicide in the first couple years they spend outside. 60% becoming involved with drugs and alcohol.  40% in jail. 50% of girls becoming prostitutes.  2 in 10.  2.  Go on to live a "normal" life and become a contributing, functioning member of society.  8 fail.  2 are successful.  That's 20%.  My math might be bad, but even I know if 8 children fail and 2 succeed, that's a whole lot of people that are walking wounded.  The statistics aren't pretty in any country, but somehow Russia struck the chord.  The more I researched, the more sure I was.
By October of 2010 we had made a decision, picked a country, researched and debated agencies and were starting the first steps of applying.  We hadn't told anyone.  We started using the name "Anastacia" to refer to the adoption and the account we had started to raise funds.  And we hurried up and waited.  That's what adoption is for us so far.  Hurry up.  Get this and this and this and this here.  And then wait.  And wait.  And wait.
We're, God willing, nearing the end of that wait.  We have a face and name (ok, so turns out we "accidentally" knew the name the whole time...).  And soon we'll have more.

Referral time!

So, the original reason I even got a blog was that once the adoption got moving I could use it to communicate with a lot of people very quickly and easily -- even from Russia.  Obviously with the exception of a couple posts at the beginning this has been used more as a "keep recipes I make up from getting lost" sort of application! BUT  we have a referral, so it's time to use this for it's intended purpose.
We got our referral last Tuesday, the morning after Andrew's 7th birthday.  That sticks in my head because that night he came and gave me a giant hug (he's our huggy guy) and said "Mom, WHEN are we getting my baby sister?"  I told him to go back to bed and to pray about it, that only God knows when we'd find out and then, just half joking, told him to was ok to pray that it happened SOON!  He's pretty sure that his prayer alone brought a picture of her the next morning!
Apparently he wasn't the only one on the cusp of knowing...my sister had a dream that same night that we got our referral and even dreamt some of the details -- like the fact that she was part of a family and they couldn't keep her and had other kids!
The biggest "God wink" if you've heard that term before, was opening the referral.  We decided in Sept of 2010 to begin this process.  We didn't tell anyone else until later that fall, but we did immediately open a new savings account and start dumping anything we could into it.  Our code word for the adoption was "Anastacia" and we called the account the "Anastacia account".  If you're not familiar with Russian history, Anastacia was the youngest daughter of the last Czar of Russia.  When the Communists came in, they had the entire family killed.  Ever since there have been rumors that she, as a very young child, somehow was saved or escaped and people even have come forward claiming to be the lost princess and presenting their case. In the early 90's there was a cartoon movie called Anastacia about the story.  I was familiar with the history and Bryan was familiar with the movie, so he suggested that as our name for the adoption.  When we opened the referral, my speedreading caught a glimpse of the name of the file as it was opening...Anastacia.  Now, I don't know if that was her birth name or if the orphanage renamed her, but, what are the chances that over a year ago we "accidentally" started calling her her real name?  Somewhere, God must have been chuckling.
So, here we are.  A list a mile long of visa confirmations and paperwork in quadruplicate notarized and apostilled and little boys to prepare for mom and dad being gone for a while and the house and food and allergies to get ready for Caitlin, my soon to be sister who is apparently going to get initiated by fire, to come care for them.  A LOT to accomplish this week.  We fly out to Moscow on the 20th and we will return the 26th.  This is our first trip -- this is the meet her and officially file to adopt her in Russia.  Hopefully we will internet access most of the time so we can keep this updated while we are over there!

Prayer Requests:
*Travel arrangements -- we have our tickets and our visas in progress, but we need to call and confirm something about the visas that we were unable to get done before the weekend.  This means that they should have been moving forward Friday and instead got put on hold. We only have a few days window of extra time for them.
*The boys and Caitlin here
*My ability to stay focused and able to complete the task at hand -- if you know me, you know I can get easily distracted...hey, look!  Something shiny!...I have a lot to get done this week and the sooner the better.

Allergy friendly skin care

I wanted to make my own body lotion for quite awhile before I found the right recipe. I'm pretty lazy (or have very little time to mess with things like this...), so I had quite a few specifics that said recipe had to meet. It couldn't have shea butter (people with tree nut allergies often react to it), it needed to be the right consistency(not completely harden like the first recipe I tried, or be too watery and separate like others) or leave that oily layer. Most of all, it needed to be fast, not too touchy and have consistent results. This one, with just a little tweaking, finally fit the bill. Most ingredients are ones already in my pantry and the others are simple and easy to find at any health food store, or if you're like me, ordered and delivered to my doorstep from any number of sites or sellers on ebay. On top of that, you'll pay about what you pay for generic lotion in the store. We all use it -- the boys use it on their faces and lips and eczema and it does amazing. The best compliment I ever got was at a facial where they do your throat and chest as well. The aesthetician told me I had remarkably soft skin and asked what I used. I was pretty proud of my lotion! : ) When I first started making it, I just saved some old lotion pump bottles and when it cools, but before it's totally set up, I use a funnel and pour it into those. Otherwise little boys tend to use wayyyyyyyy more than they need!

I'm also including the sugar scrub I use. I use it on my body and often, unless it's really dry (which happens in Wyoming), don't need to even use lotion. I had to play around in the kitchen to even figure out exactly what the ratio of sugar to oil that I use is -- usually I just stop by the kitchen and dump some sugar and oil in a container on my way to the shower. The sugar exfoliates as it dissolves and the oil soaks into your skin. two notes : make sure you pat and not rub it dry or you'll wipe the oil off and watch your step -- showers do get slippery with any type of product, but particularly oil based. I also use this on my face with great results. Olive oil is one of the few oils that won't clog your skin and cause breakouts. The sugar can be a little harsh it you have sensitive skin. Just add a bit of warm water to your hands to dissolve it until you get your own personalized ratio.

Sugar Scrub

1 c sugar

¼ c olive oil or oil of choice

Optional: 4-5 drops essential oils

Mix well to combine. Store in sealed container. Rub into skin at end of warm shower until grains dissolve. Rinse off and pat dry.

Homemade lotion

1 ¼ c distilled water

¼ c emulsifying wax

1/4 c choice of oils (I use mostly olive oil with a tablespoon or so coconut oil)

2 T cocoa butter

24-36 drops essential oils (I use several drops Vitamin E and Avocado Oil and add a ½ tsp vanilla extract)

Heat water in microwave until very hot. Combine remaining ingredients in a large bowl. Add hot water and whick til smooth and creamy. Let cool slightly, stirring periodically. If lotion thickens more than desired, simply add water ¼ at a time, mixing well with each addition until desired thickness. If using Vitamin E, let cool slightly before adding. Keeps about 3 weeks. This is pretty rich -- a little goes a long ways!

Energizing Apricot Mask

½ c dried apricots

½ c warm water

1 T honey

Place in blender and process until smooth. Spread over face. Let set 15 min. Rinse skin well with warm water.

Moisturizing Avocado Mask

½ avocado, mashed

1 tsp honey

Mix til smooth. Spread over face and leave on 15 min. Rinse well with warm water.

Pumpkin Spice Muffins

One of the boys actually found this recipe. They've realized I can (eventually) tweak most recipes for their allergies so when they find something they like they ask for the recipe (an odd thing for most 10 year old boys...). Sure enough, this recipe only needed very small tweaks to meet the dairy-free, egg free, soy free criteria. I haven't tried it gluten free yet, but it seems like it should work easily. These are everything a muffin should be -- moist, flavorful and great with a cup of coffee!

Pumpkin Spice Muffins

makes 24

2 c pumpkin puree (I've also used a combo of pumpkin and butternut)

3 eggs or egg substitute to equal (we use EnerG)

3/4 c olive oil

1 tsp vanilla

3 c flour

1 c sugar

1 c brown sugar

2 tsp. baking powder

1 tsp baking soda

2 tsp cinnamon

1/4 tsp each: ground nutmeg, cloves and all-spice

pinch salt

Combine first 4 ingredients in a large bowl and stir well to combine (I use a stand mixer). In separate bowl combine remaining ingredients and mix well. Add to liquid ingredients and mix until just combined. Spoon into 24 greased or papered muffin tins. Bake at 350 for 25-30 min. Top with a glaze of 2T milk (or coconut milk) and 1/2 c powdered sugar (most organic powdered sugars are corn free) if desired.