On being afraid...

“Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.” ― John Wayne 

 I've had a lot of people not really believe me when I say I'm a big chicken. Yes, really bad things can happen with international adoption. Yes, we're STILL adopting. Yes, Russia can be a scary place. Yes, we're STILL adopting. Yes, I'm scared to fly. Yes, this is my 5th International trip flying (for a grand total of 12 major international flights and a bunch of "little" ones thrown in there). Yes, we're STILL adopting. I still don't see the connection. Just because I'm scared doesn't mean I'm not going to do something. Just because fear exists, doesn't mean I don't still take the leap. It's ok to be afraid. Sometimes not being afraid is just stupidity. Fear and faith are often hand in hand -- a realistic understanding of the risks coupled with the faith that God is in control and has this. Or, as John Wayne said, "being scared to death, but saddling up anyway." When God asks us to do something, He doesn't tell us we won't be afraid. But He says we can depend on Him. He doesn't tell us we'll always be successful, but that we can walk in faith and leave the results to Him. I'm scared of a lot of things. I don't like roller coaster, going fast, being up high or things with 8 legs (and that's the short list). I also don't like looking God in the eye when I haven't taken a step because my fear held me back. It's not a good feeling to know you heard and disregarded the one who has NEVER and can NEVER let you down. I've been there. I've been afraid and haven't saddled up. It sucks. And the reverse is true, even with the fear (What if it's not my time, but it IS the pilot's time? What if we get home and our daughter has all kinds of problems? Can we really handle this? Am I crazy?), there is a peace that comes with taking the step when you're told. There is a peace that comes when God says "Jump" and you say "how high" instead of pretending you didn't hear. We're walking in that peace right now. Somehow people think that when God asks you to do something, it's all roses after that. The truth is, what He asks might be dang hard. He might ask you to get waaaaaaayyyyyyy out of your comfort zone. BUT He also promises to walk with you every step. To give you the power to do whatever He asks. To make you a new creation -- more than who you are (did I mention I HATE that excuse "it's just how God made me")! He doesn't ask us to do things we think will be fun, safe, or possible. He asks us to do impossible things and then HE makes them possible. He asks us to step -- one foot in front of the other -- and keep plodding along no matter how un-fun,
un-safe and impossible things get. Because then when we look back, we know and we can show and teach others that it wasn't us. It was Him. So yes. I am afraid. And no, that's not actually going to stop me from stepping, because I'd rather saddle up when told than sit alone in the outhouse pretending I didn't hear.