Getting started...again

How many times have I said I was going to sit down and take the time to write "everyday"? Let me rephrase that. How many times have I said, "No! We do not eat with our feet!" or "You can not fit that much toilet paper in a toilet!"? Many. Many, many, many. So, here's take 2. Or 3, or whatever random number you'd like to assign.

For starters, let's recap. This week I made perhaps the largest leap of faith in my recent history. I volunteered to be part of the MOPS leadership for next year. I was surprised at both how difficult and, at the same time, how easy it was. I cried on the way there. I still haven't moved beyond the point of not knowing who I can trust, of not fearing that somewhere, someone is looking over my shoulder taking notes. It happened before, how can I trust it won't happen again? The answer, of course, is I can't. I don't know that it won't happen. I can't let that rule my life though, or they win. They wanted to control my life. By living in fear, I am giving that control to them. The rationale is there, but that doesn't make it easier to take that initial step.
On Wednesday, the kids heard the story of Jesus' betrayal. I think the older I get and the more intimate Christ's story becomes to me, the more I am struck by his humanity. I know first hand the pain of being betrayed, of having those closest to you fail you in incomprehensible ways. To imagine being betrayed to death, to know that not only were you not guilty, but you were the WAY, to have that knowledge, to know intimately the thoughts and battle of someone else's mind and allow them to still make the choice -- to let them choose wrong -- must have been a pain more excruciating than anything he had faced at that point. And yet, he still loved Judas. With full knowledge of what he would do, he still washed his feet. Could I choose to love that completely?
This is what I know: Christ's love calls me to offer others the same. Christ's forgiveness calls me to offer others the same. Christ's humanity allows me the freedom to know that what I am called to do, he not only knows, he has experienced and chosen to do. I can choose to live in fear, but how would I be used then? Ministering to others involves trust that Christ, as my strength, will not ever, ever let me down as others have. Will not ever, ever fail me. Will not ever betray, ever hurt, ever keep a list against. I can stand in that strength and trust, not others, but Him and in that strength, raise others up.