Pizza and breadsticks (regular and gluten free)

This is the basic "fast" pizza dough (I also have a "slow" one that I like better, but is much more time intensive) and breadstick recipes I use.  The dough has only wheat and is otherwise allergy free. For those of us with gluten issues, I'll admit, I "cheat" and use a mix - either the recipe on the back of Pamela's Bread mix or Namaste pizza crust mix (get both on Amazon) are our favorites.  Namaste is sugar free as well.  I've tried several recipes from scratch and, while a few were pretty good, they were so time consuming I didn't feel like they were really worth the headache.

Pizza Crust (makes 1 large pizza or 2 thin crust, double and triple recipe as needed.  Also can be used for "pockets" and calzones)
1 tsp yeast
1 c warm water
1 T sugar
1/4 c + 2 T olive oil
1/2 tsp salt
2 3/4 c flour

Add yeast to warm water and let set til bubbly.  Add oil, sugar and salt.  Add flour and stir til dough cleans sides of bowls and is no longer sticky.  Oil bowl with olive oil and let set to rise til doubled.  Press or roll onto an oiled (use cornmeal if desired) pizza pan. Cook at 450 til just beginning to brown, add toppings and cook til desired.  May also put toppings directly on uncooked crust and bake til desired doneness for a softer crust.  Note:  This dough can be used without rising with good results.  We actually use it more often with minimal rising time (think 10-15 minutes rest while I get other ingredients together), than normal rising.

I went on a mission to find a good soft breadstick dough (think Olive Garden...) a few years ago.  This one fit the bill and, luckily was easily adapted after we were allergy tested.  The original came from an old Betty Crocker recipe book.

Soft Breadsticks
1 T yeast
1 1/3 c warm water
3-3 1/2 c flour
3 T olive oil
1 T honey
1 tsp salt

Dissolve yeast in warm water and let set til bubbly.  Add oil, honey and salt (if you add your oil first, the T will be oiled so the honey will slide off without sticking).  Add flour and stir/mix til dough cleans sides of bowl.  If dough is slightly sticky, that's fine. Use olive oil to oil bowl. Flip dough so oiled side is up.  Let rise in warm place til doubled in size (I preheat my oven to the lowest temp and then put the dough in and close door and turn it off and let it rise maybe 20 min).  Take small portions and pull into breadstick shape.  Place on oiled cookie sheet about 1/4" from each other (breadsticks will rise to touch each other and can be pulled apart later -- this will help keep them soft).  Let set 5-10 min.  Bake at 400 10-15 min or until just beginning to brown.  Brush with olive oil and sprinkle with garlic salt or garlic powder and sea salt.  If desired sprinkle generously with cheese and return to oven for 2-3 min until melted.  Sprinkle cheese with sea salt immediately upon removing from oven.  Serve with warm marinara.  Makes about 18

Pamela's Chewy Pizza Crust http://www.pamelasproducts.com/chewy-pizza-crust/  We also use this as flatbread (press into a large flat well-oiled cookie sheet instead of pizza pans) or bread sticks (flatbread, cut into bread sticks).

Jamaican Jerk Pork

In the spirit of not losing recipes, I need to post this 'cause it is definitely a keeper. One of our favorite vacation spots is the Wisconsin Dells. We love a Jamaican restaurant there called Marleys. If you ever are in a town that has one start with the fried shark and alligator, get something "jerked" and go for the fried banana dessert. Trust me. I finally decided I needed to try making a "jerk" recipe at home. Let's just say the crockpot was literally picked clean. Oh, and as a bonus, by the time it's done, your house will smell incredible.
 Jamaican Jerk Pork
 1 onion, peeled
2 T vinegar
1 T olive oil
2 tsp sea salt
 2 tsp thyme
1 T brown sugar
1 tsp ginger
1 tsp ground allspice
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/4 tsp black pepper
1/8 tsp cinnamon
2 garlic cloves
1-4 habanero or chili peppers (2 will result in about mild-medium)
1/2 a pork tenderloin or 1 lg pork butt roast

 Combine everything in a food processor and process into a paste. Coat meat with paste. Cook on high in crockpot until meat is fall apart (4-6 hours depending on cut). Use a fork or tongs to shred. Serve with rolls as pulled pork sandwiches or plain.

On being stuck

I was struck yesterday by Esther's response to us packing up. I wish I had grabbed a camera because she painted a very poignant picture of what is far too often OUR response to growth and change. Imagine a tiny little toddler, dressed in her coat and hat, standing alone against the wall, both tiny hands curled into fists and sucking her thumbs with huge, serious eyes. In her short life she has not known stability, not had security. For her, it was natural to say, "listen guys. I've only been here a few days. But I had fun. There is all the food I want to eat, all the diaper changes I want, clean, soft clothes, a soft bed, laughing, fun and attention I've never had. I ain't going anywhere!" There is just no way to explain to a 2 year old that yes, this is good. But we have BETTER in store for her. Yes, this was comfortable,, but we are headed for BETTER. How many times in my Christian walk am I that little girl? How many times do I stand worried in the corner wanting to stay where I'm comfortable while God is saying, "Yes, it might be scary, but I have BETTER prepared for you!". I think we use comfort as a crutch far too often - "I'm just who God made me", "I'm not a patient person", "God knows I just can't do this". I know I've used and heard more "God, I'm comfortable where/with who I am, so I think I'll get off the bus and camp here..." excuses than I even want to admit. The truth is, God has promised we are a new creation - He is in the business of making us MORE than who we are and bringing us places we never thought we could go. God is in the business of MORE and BETTER, if we just take our thumbs out of our mouths and let Him pack us up and go!

On our way

It's been a rough last few days! Sunday evening I started feeling a little sick. By Monday morning we realized I had developed full-blown strep throat...fever, chills, headache, achy, swollen tonsil mess. We had tea and honey available along with a limited supply of ibuprofen, but by mid-afternoon I was sick enough to worry Bryan. Luckily, by naming him as the petitioner, we only needed him to complete the legal aspect. Luke was able to help me take care of the tiny tornado (um...new nickname!) while Bryan accompanied Andrey to the police station and did the footwork for Esther's passport. They also took a detour to a pharmacy where they had a fun time with Bryan explaining to Andrey what was wrong and Andrey trying to translate it to the pharmacist. They came back with a small arsenal of home remedies...the equivalent of ibuprofen, some throat lozenges and a rather nasty syrup you gargle with that tastes like black licorice, but apparently is even nastier than strep! Tuesday Bryan and Luke went to exchange the money Luke raised through donations for rubles. Esther and I went along for the ride and we finally found "too much". Too much fun, too much new, too much world, too much...everything. While the guys went in to do the money exchange, we stayed in the car and that was apparently the last straw. The idea of being confined was fine as long as the vehicle was moving. Stopping was NOT approved. That started the fit. By the time the guys got back, we were in full out meltdown. That being the case, we decided to let the guys continue the diaper buying expedition on their own and elected to take the shortest route back to the hotel! A snack and nap and by evening we were both in good enough shape to venture out on a much slower walk to buy some souvenirs (she conned a magnet out of one of the street vendors pointing at everything) and some snacks. Very "foreign" feel - like stepping into a completely different world. From the cobblestone walking street lined with vendors selling souvenirs and handicrafts to the bakery we stopped at for homemade chocolate dipped marshmallows for the kids to the street performer sitting on the bench singing folk songs with her accordion to the KGB era van we weren't brave enough to take a picture of (there was a policeman in full out body armor with it...and I swear I expected the van door to open and guys in riot gear to pile out. Whatever the sketchiest 1970's van in your head is, paint it pale green, armor it, add a few old Soviet era signs and you have either the sketchiest or most legit van I have ever seen.), definitely "not in Kansas anymore". That was about how much excitement Esther and I were up to and we definitely slept good that night! Luke, on the other hand, has handled the whole trip with a "going to Russia is perfectly normal" attitude. That kid gets excited over the oddest things - his Russian bottle of Sprite, a sign that looked like a moustache, the Russian flag. It's very structured excitement. Our hotel had VERY sketchy internet service, but the video I posted on Facebook actually came from Tuesday night...behold the power of a good nap! Wednesday we found worried girl. We started packing up the hotel room where we spent the first part of out trip. Have you ever gone on a trip and watched your pets as they noticed the preparations? They know something is going on, something is changing even if they can't understand it. She stood off by herself and sucked her thumbs and watched us pack. There is just no way you can explain to a 2 year old that the packing up includes THEM! Even though there is no way for her to really grasp the concept, the fear of being left is still very real. We we able to get her passport before we left, so she now has her very own Russian passport. The ride to Moscow was about 3 hours given the traffic....thankfully about half of it was during her morning nap because we found our meltdown anytime she was awake! Her fit did give us a good view of her teeth and we were...er..."happy" to find out she's also getting molars during this whole transition. It might be a very long 17 hour trip home... We arrived in Moscow yesterday afternoon. We have a tiny flat on the 19th floor of a building in downtown Moscow, about a 10 min walk from the Embassy. She seemed to relax a little once we were out of the car - the idea that she as still with us seemed a little more concrete apparently when we unloaded everything. Even in the car she insisted on having everything that she recognized as her's - her hat, her coat, her shoes - ON at all times. She was a sweaty exhausted mess by the time we made it here. We made it here in time to call the boys - much better Internet here included in our room (this isn't a hotel, but a short term apartment rental) and free international calling. We hadn't had wifi for a few days, so we haven't gotten to keep in contact much with them at all. We also skyped so they could see their sister. Bryan and Luke took a walk to find a grocery store since here in Moscow we have a kitchen and we're basically on our own. Today we walked to the doctor to have Esther's checkup for her visa. A long, rather cold walk that my still swollen tonsils didn't really appreciate. We met a man in the wait area that was there having the same checkup for his son - a little boy about 7 years old who had just been adopted for a region outside Siberia (another overnight flight from Moscow!). The doctor told us what we already knew/guessed - essentially healthy, teething and her nose issues are probably stemming from that. We passed a Burger King on the way back and Luke was really excited about that (even though we never eat there at home), so after dropping Esther and me off at the apartment, they walked back and got burgers and fries for lunch, Wichita actually tasted surprisingly amazing since I've pretty much been eating soup and coffee (and sometimes even that I could swear was made out of shards of broken glass!) for the last few days! Andrey delivered our paperwork to the Embassy and Bryan (he's the petitioner, so only he has to go but we probably all will accompany him. There are some strict safety standards we were warned about, much like an airport. No cameras, cellphones or liquids top the list.) will go to tomorrow for the meeting. We have lots of downtime today and tomorrow, so hopefully we'll take a walk this evening (now that the clouds are looking a little less ominous) through the historical district (complete with a not so historic Hard Rock Cafe...). Tomorrow we talked about possibly going to the zoo which we also walked past today. The location of this apartment is kind of neat. We are right on the main road through Moscow Center. From our window we can see the Embassy. Three times today we have witnessed major police escorts block off the street and escort people through. Not sure who has come and gone - but usually a police patrol of 4 or 5 cars followed by a limo sandwiched between armored vehicles holds someone pretty high on the totem pole! There was also the line of black hummers that seemed pretty formidable! On a sad note, ths afternoon we said goodbye to Andrey. He picks up another family tomorrow and so he set up his girlfriend (remember me saying he's allowed us some liberties he doesn't normally let families have this trip?) to meet us at the Embassy just in case we have any problems. He asked if he is ever in the States if we would let him contact us, so hopefully someday he'll be able to come visit. Apparently he has had problems getting a visa before - for a single man to get a visa in Russia is apparently very difficult since he has no "ties" to return to. Andrey was awesome - we would have chosen this agency just to get to work with him. Well, I think that gets us up to speed. Tomorrow we do the visa and Friday evening it should be delivered to us in time to catch our flight at 11:50. Please pray for: Esther's visa to go smoothly Me to continue to feel better Esther to make the plane ride without screaming the whole way - I can handle fits on the ground. Fits in the air surrounded by poor unsuspecting seat mates are totally different. These are knock-down, drag out type fits - kicking, hitting (poor Luke who had to sit next to us on the ride to Moscow!), screaming, sweaty, stiff as a board. Worse case scenario I plan on handing her off to Bryan and pretending I don't know them! "Sir? Is there something I can do to help your daughter?" ;-)

Gotcha!

So, I just realized last night that we haven't done the best job of keeping everybody up to date since we got here. As I write it is late Sunday afternoon here (so approaching early Sunday morning there in the States). We've been here for 3 days now. Let's see...we arrived in Moscow Friday morning, were picked up and drove to Tver. We checked into our hotel, grabbed some lunch and then headed to the police station to sign something. Hello, scary KGB style police station. Now THAT was a scary old building! Literally crumbling down around you. There ended up being line, so what literally took 5 min took more like 2 hours. We had to do that before we could go pick up Esther though, so our coordinator offered to do the line waiting part and we went and walked around for a while and then napped in the car (the 3 snoring Americans would have made a very easy target...). Bryan went in to sign since he is the primary petitioner for Esther's passport and visa and then we were able to head to get her! it was pouring rain, cold and dark by that time and the normal road was under construction so we had to park along a different road and walk in. I don't know what I expected...doesn't it seem like you should have to, I don't know, sign something or SOMETHING? But it was incredibly easy. We walked in. They had her freshly bathed and dressed in just a dress (as opposed to the layers she normally wore). They handed her to us and she appeared to recognize us and then touched both our faces like we had worked with her on and said "nice", thus proving she DID recognize us. We switched her into her clothes, snapped a few pictures with her favorite worker and walked out. There is something odd about walking into a building and just taking a kid. You just expect someone to stop you or ask you to prove that you're YOU or...well, something. I guess after proving 5 different ways that our house is our house and the mountain of paperwork, this just seemed too...easy. :) We came directly back to the hotel since by that time it was like 7. We bathed her (she was NOT impressed) so she smelled, well, less like orphanage and we KNEW she was clean, pajama-ed everyone up and hit the hay. That went really well until about 5 in the morning when she realized she was in a strange room that was full of things to be touched and explored and became a tiny little ball of energy. We MIGHT be a little jet lagged. Yesterday Bryan and Luke walked in the rain to the bank to exchange money. We took turns being jet lagged. My turn was last night. Luke is "not tired" but is sleeping right now. We walked today down to the mall to buy shoes - I errored on the size of big and, sure enough, the ones we brought are big! So far we are doing really, surprisingly well. She is eating and sleeping well after we got past that 5am wake-up call the first day. She loves Luke. She finds it hilarious that people want to carry her. Her new game is to hold up both hands for Luke to pick her up and then when he starts to go get her she runs away to see if he will go catch her. When he does she giggles like it's the funniest thing to ever happen. She is definitely an active toddler - as in, Ben and Andrew active. Curious about everything, pretty impressed by the endless food idea, very impressed by juice and sippy cups and pretty enthralled with the idea of being the only toddler competing for the attention of 3 whole people. She has already decided she might want to start talking and has said "mama", "nice" and "cat" along with being willing to start signing ("more" was a pretty easy sell...). She has been singing and humming since we got to the hotel and does not appear at all phased by the idea that she's in a completely strange place (although when she napped with me I did wake up to her poking me and putting her toes in my mouth...don't worry. I redirected her. To Bryan's.) So, that gets us to today - I should add that we are completely on our own for the last few days. Our coordinator must have decided we were doing ok because he very tentatively pitched the idea of going back to Moscow and leaving us on our own for the weekend. He checks in everyday by email so I think he was a little nervous. He comes back tomorrow and we go pick up Essie's passport picture and then go do something at another police station. Tuesday...I'll be honest, no idea what we have to do Tuesday. Oh, right. Tuesday we will take Luke to exchange the money he raised (the boys set the goal of 100.00 to b diapers for the orphanage. They ended up with just shy of 300!). Luke will cash that in for rubles and then go the store and buy diapers and deliver them to the orphanage. Wed we get her passport and we head to Moscow for the US Embassy side of things. All in all we feel things are going very well and she is adjusting to us and us to her very quickly. She had a whole list of firsts today...first time going shopping, first time eating at a restaurant, first new shoes, first walk outside...you get the idea. When you consider how much is new, she's doing surprisingly well (or we wouldn't have left the apartment). Prayer requests: That the paperwork/legal portion of the trip will go smoothly. We get her visa on Fri afternoon and leave on Sat morning. There is no room for error, literally. If it's late, we don't make our flight. That she will continue to adjust smoothly as we travel to Moscow. Each step we take gets her farther and farther out of her comfort zone and what she knows.

Dear family and friends....

We found this wonderful letter on several sites and wanted to share it with you all.  It very clearly explains our needs as a family unit to those around us.  It's a great tool!  We've personalized it to our specific needs and we'd appreciate it if everyone would take the time to read it.  We're NOT trying to be harsh or keep anyone away -- we simply need this time as a family to help Esther adjust to us and us to her. Hopefully this letter helps you understand the unique needs Esther will have in her first days home. Thank you all in advance for your prayers and support through all of this and as we bring her home! 

Dear Family & Friends,

After over two years of waiting, Esther is finally coming home! We know that each of you receiving this letter has, in some way, supported, loved and prayed for us. Because we know your care for our family, we want to share with you some information that we hope will best equip everyone around Esther to assist us in laying the strongest and healthiest foundation - emotionally, physically and spiritually.

 Very soon, we’ll be starting the process of becoming a new and bigger family.  This is an exciting and scary time for all of us, especially for Esther.  In her short life, our daughter has gone through more changes and life altering experiences than most adults could handle. She's already experienced the loss of a birth family and will soon experience the loss of familiar and comforting caretakers as well as the sights, smells, and language of her birth country. Her world will turn upside down.  She will be disoriented and confused.  She will struggle with feeling safe and secure and lack the ability to trust that we will meet her needs. 

In many ways, Esther will be like the children who entered our family through birth. But there will be a few, initial differences. For years now, we have researched and taken courses dealing with bonding and attachment in children, especially those coming home through adoption from an institutional orphanage setting.

We are confident of this: God's design is PERFECT! His plan for parents and children is a beautiful and meaningful picture of His love for us. Attachment between a parent and child occurs over time when a baby has a physical or emotional need and communicates that need. The primary caretaker (usually mommy) meets the need and soothes the child. This repeats between a parent and child over and over to create trust within the child for that parent; the baby is hungry, cries in distress, mom nurses & calms the baby - which teaches him that this person is safe and can be trusted. By God's very design, an emotional foundation is laid in the tiniest of babies, which will affect their learning, conscience, growth and future relationships. The security provided by parents will, ultimately, give children a trust for and empathy towards others.

Children who come home through adoption have experienced interruptions in this typical attachment process. The loss of a biological mother at an early age can be a major trauma on their little hearts. As Esther's parents and forever family we get to rebuild attachment and help her heal from these emotional wounds. When she comes home, she will be overwhelmed. Everything around her will be new and she will need to learn not just about her new environment, but also about love and family. She has not experienced God's design for a family in an orphanage setting. The best way for us to form a parent/child bond is to be the ones to hold, snuggle, instruct, soothe and feed her. As this repeats between us, she will be able to learn that parents are safe to trust and to love deeply. We are, essentially, recreating the newborn/parent connection. Once she starts to establish this important bond, she will then be able to branch out to other, healthy relationships.

Esther will have what may seem like a lot of structure, boundaries and close proximity to us. Please know that these decisions are prayerfully and thoughtfully made choices based on immense amounts of research and instruction from trusted sources. We will be doing what we believe is best to help her heal from those interruptions in attachment as effectively as possible. Why are we telling you all of this? Because you will actually play an awesome and vital role in helping Esther settle in, heal, and lay a foundation for the future. There are a few areas in which you can help us:

The first is to set physical boundaries. It will help us immensely if adults limit what is typically considered normal, physical contact with Esther. This will (for a while) include things like holding, excessive hugging and kissing. Children from orphanage settings are prone to attach too easily to anyone and everyone - which hinders the important, primary relationship with parents. Waving, blowing kisses, a brief hug or kiss on the cheek while she's in our arms, high fives, a pat on the back or head, etc are perfectly appropriate and welcomed! Esther should know that the people with whom she interacts are our trusted friends.

Another area is redirecting Esther's desire to have her physical and emotional needs met by anyone (including strangers) to having us meet them. Orphans often have so many caretakers that they, as a survival mechanism, become overly charming toward all adults. A child struggling to learn to attach may exhibit indiscriminate affection with people outside of their family unit. It may appear harmless and as if they are "very friendly" but this is actually quite dangerous for the child. To share this is difficult for us because we have snuggled, cared for, fed and loved so many of your children. Please understand that we want nothing more than to have Esther hugged, cuddled and cherished by ALL of you. But until she has a firm understanding of family and primary attachments, we would be grateful if you direct her to us if you see that she is seeking out food, affection or comfort.  

Lastly, for this initial homecoming period, we would ask that disruptions be limited and that we be allowed to choose what our family can handle.  Adopting a toddler is very different from bringing a newborn home from the hospital, but there are some similarities: You want everyone to come to the (hospital) airport/homecoming (we should be home around noon on Sunday the 14th) to see your new child. That is the same. You want the house quiet, calm, low stimulus so the mother and child can rest and bond. That is the same. You want to limit visitors for the first several weeks. That is the same.  We would LOVE for you to come and meet Esther.  We simply ask that before you do so, you call ahead.  Esther will be very fragile in many ways when she comes home, much like a newborn.  So many of you have prayed and loved her from half a world away and we are so excited to have you finally meet her!  She will be incredibly overwhelmed during the first few weeks (or even months) at home and needs to meet people slowly and learn that this is her forever home and family.  Give us a call and let us know when you'll be by so we can plan to have visits be manageable for her well-being.

We are incredibly blessed to have so many loved ones around us. We couldn't ask for a better extended family & circle of friends for our family. Thank you so much for your love and support over the past two years. If you have any questions please feel free to ask at any time! May God bless you as you have blessed us through this journey! Bryan, Jessica and boys

On being afraid...

“Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.” ― John Wayne 

 I've had a lot of people not really believe me when I say I'm a big chicken. Yes, really bad things can happen with international adoption. Yes, we're STILL adopting. Yes, Russia can be a scary place. Yes, we're STILL adopting. Yes, I'm scared to fly. Yes, this is my 5th International trip flying (for a grand total of 12 major international flights and a bunch of "little" ones thrown in there). Yes, we're STILL adopting. I still don't see the connection. Just because I'm scared doesn't mean I'm not going to do something. Just because fear exists, doesn't mean I don't still take the leap. It's ok to be afraid. Sometimes not being afraid is just stupidity. Fear and faith are often hand in hand -- a realistic understanding of the risks coupled with the faith that God is in control and has this. Or, as John Wayne said, "being scared to death, but saddling up anyway." When God asks us to do something, He doesn't tell us we won't be afraid. But He says we can depend on Him. He doesn't tell us we'll always be successful, but that we can walk in faith and leave the results to Him. I'm scared of a lot of things. I don't like roller coaster, going fast, being up high or things with 8 legs (and that's the short list). I also don't like looking God in the eye when I haven't taken a step because my fear held me back. It's not a good feeling to know you heard and disregarded the one who has NEVER and can NEVER let you down. I've been there. I've been afraid and haven't saddled up. It sucks. And the reverse is true, even with the fear (What if it's not my time, but it IS the pilot's time? What if we get home and our daughter has all kinds of problems? Can we really handle this? Am I crazy?), there is a peace that comes with taking the step when you're told. There is a peace that comes when God says "Jump" and you say "how high" instead of pretending you didn't hear. We're walking in that peace right now. Somehow people think that when God asks you to do something, it's all roses after that. The truth is, what He asks might be dang hard. He might ask you to get waaaaaaayyyyyyy out of your comfort zone. BUT He also promises to walk with you every step. To give you the power to do whatever He asks. To make you a new creation -- more than who you are (did I mention I HATE that excuse "it's just how God made me")! He doesn't ask us to do things we think will be fun, safe, or possible. He asks us to do impossible things and then HE makes them possible. He asks us to step -- one foot in front of the other -- and keep plodding along no matter how un-fun,
un-safe and impossible things get. Because then when we look back, we know and we can show and teach others that it wasn't us. It was Him. So yes. I am afraid. And no, that's not actually going to stop me from stepping, because I'd rather saddle up when told than sit alone in the outhouse pretending I didn't hear.

Special prayer request...

A very special prayer request, and if you can get through this without tearing up, you get extra points. It's the type of story that gets Bryan to walk into our hotel room and call it gut wrenching. So here goes. The orphanage has been under construction for some time now and you may remember that I mentioned a new wing was being built for the HIV children who were living in a deplorable building (we stopped and delivered something there and saw only the outside. It wasn't good.). Anyway, the new wing is done and today these children moved into their new building! They also have access to some very nice areas as well. Anyway, during our visitation a nurse came out with a few of these children. They stay a little longer at this orphanage if they are HIV - until 5 years old. The nurse had just 4 children out, one fairly young and 3 others between 4 and 5 years old. They were kept (by law) away from where we were, but openly watched us and Esther and we smiled and waved several times. When we went to leave we asked our coordinator about them, if we were correct in thinking that they were the HIV children that had just moved to the building. He said yes and then said that there is one girl who is very angry with him. She knows that he brings parents and she keeps asking when he will bring parents for her. He keeps telling her he hopes he will bring some soon, but sometimes she gets very angry that he has not brought them yet. He said they do not know they have HIV, though one time one of them asked what that meant. They, by law, are kept seperated from the other children and not allowed to be in contact with them. He said that the children know about America and he has often seen them playing America. they will talk to each other in a funny made up language they say is English and say that they have parents waiting for them in America and their own bed and computer. One of these children is in the process of being adopted by a couple from California and this other girl is still waiting and still asking when he will bring her parents. She is 5 and will be moving soon to the older children's orphanage school. Please pray for parents for this little girl.

Drumroll, please...

We are proud to announce that as of 11:15am, Friday, August 31st we are the official parents of Esther Anastasia Lass! We will be able to travel about October 5th after the court decree takes affect to pick her up and bring her home.
 This afternoon when we visit her she will get one of the first visits ever outside the orphanage to go and get her passport photo taken. We were able to visit her yesterday afternoon after court. It was actually warm and sunny outside so we had a very fun visit at the playground. She is beginning to try and communicate much more with us -- copying us and expecting us to copy her, etc. We introduced her to the chocolate pastries which went over very well. We added swings to the playground equipment she got to try. Definitely have a thrill seeking gene there! She'll be on roller coasters with Luke and her Dad before you know it! She freaked Bryan out by wanting to lean off the swing and stare at the ground while she as swinging.
After our visit Bryan and I walked to the river and did some site seeing. We also had a chance to find some souvenirs...we only had about a half hour, so we'll have to do a little more next trip so no one gets left out! There is about a mile loop of paths along the river and over 2 bridges that shows off most of the sites in Tver - a soviet era movie theatre and buildings along old Soviet Street, a palace where royalty (including Catherine the Great) would summer, several churches and a monastery, soviet era statues, etc. Very beautiful.
 This morning was our final court hearing. Yesterday our court was held just in the judges office which was actually very nice - it made it feel much less formal and we had been in her office before so it was not intimidating at all. Today we were in one of the courtrooms. They are very small and very informal compared to the courtrooms I have been in in the States. It was the same people as yesterday - the judge, an interpreter, the social workers, a prosecuting attorney and the orphanage doctor. Bryan answered the majority of our questions - describe me (and then my faults...would you believe that I burn rice? I mean, I DO, but still. I had to tell the judge later on that he teases me about it because I can cook very complicated things, but somehow can not do something so easy...). He had to tell about the boys and their health and discipline and many, many other questions. We both were asked if we were sure we wanted to adopt her and how we felt about her after meeting her. She asked alot about our church and services there and even how we chose her name (she seemed very pleased when Bryan told her the boys helped pick it and that they all have Bible names and Esther was a girl in the Bible who was orphan who became a queen. Bryan was the only man in the courtroom and every single woman there did the "awww" face when he said that.).
My time on the stand was much briefer than Bryan's (ha!) and very much the same (although, now that I think about it, I didn't have to tell them his faults...wait a second!). I don't think were really any surprises...we were told some examples of the questions we would be asked and our coordinator told us some people write down some notes to help them answer.
I'll be honest...we totally winged it. I think one of the hardest things was speaking through an interpreter and yet speaking TO the judge. You have to pause every few seconds to let the interpreter catch up with you...just strange to do.
 After we spoke each of the other people took their turn...the social worker gave a brief history of the child and described observing us with her and how we interacted. She apparently was very impressed with the things we brought and how we noticed what she liked and had those things along. The prosecuting attorney spoke very briefly and had no questions for us (we were later told that was very unusual, that usually she questions the parents as well).
The orphanage doctor also spoke and I think, for us, that was the most interesting. She talked about how many of the "neurological" problems that she had had before disappeared after our first visit. She said that immediately after we visited she began to eat better and sleep better, seemed more emotionally stable, to be in less distress and be more comfortable interacting with people and she said that it was as if she knew she belonged to someone and that they attributed the marked change in behavior and attitude directly to the time she spent with us.
We asked about that later, if that was something she normally says to all parents and we were told no, that that was something rather unusual for her to say. Our coordinator paused and thought for a minute and said that he had noticed it too, that the last times he had been there she had seemed very different. That was very reaffirming to hear (and about the closest I came to really tearing up!). I mean, as parents, you hope that you affect your children and that your prayers for them are being answered, but when you are half a world away to have such a clear affirmation that God is working in your home before a child even enters is very precious.
 Our court was very short (we were told to expect about 2 hours and it only about an hour and 15 min), the judge went out for, literally, a few moments, came back and read the official decree declaring that her birth parents would be removed from her birth certificate, her birthplace would become the city of Tver and that she is officially Esther Anastasia Lass. It's amazing all those months of paperwork and 2 hours later it's done! Very stress relieving! There will be a little paperwork when we return to get her Russian passport and her American visa, but all in all the next trip is nearly paperwork free! We will get translated versions of all the paperwork for court, both from our dossier and Esther's. A lot of information about her family which is great and a little unexpected for an international closed adoption, so that was a good surprise. In the future it will be amazing to have that complete of a history for her to have in black and white.
 Anyway, it's been a day already and we're only at mid-afternoon here so we are off in a few to visit Esther and bring some gifts for the orphanage. We leave early tomorrow morning for Moscow and then fly out early Sunday morning. Please pray for safe travels. :)

Visitation and preparing for court...

We spent our second day of visitation today. Bryan is out running the streets of Tver...something that makes our coordinator a little nervous. I don't think he's ever had people as independent as we are, or Bryan is, and it totally freaks him out. Anyway, I am sitting here with not much to do but wait and NOT eat the ball of chocolate dough (ok, it's some sort of chocolate pastry we discovered last time, but it's like a log of brownie dough with some sort of flavoring we haven't figured out yet (Baileys? Cherry? Real vanilla?). Anyhow, I'm not supposed to eat it. I'm supposed to share. I'll probably eat it... It was cold today, but not raining, so even though they seemed a little hesitant, we took our visitation outside. We had a both heartwarming and heartbreaking morning greeting. As we go the orphanage is getting more and more lax about us following the rules. Before we had to wait in the main waiting room - now we can just go right in and say hi and see her for a second to let them know we're here. Every time we open the door the room goes berserk. We counted 12 kids in her room (as far as I can tell they have them divided into groups of about a dozen that they live with everyday). We opened the door and sure enough the room goes crazy with toddler coming at us. They keep little wooden chairs lined up like a wall so they can't get to the door, so they all group around there and try and get your attention. Esther was on the other side of the room when we came in and she got SO excited. She came running over and elbowed a couple other kids out of her way and reached up to us as fast as she could. I picked her up over the barricade and handed her to Bryan and she got this huge grin and turned back to all the other kids clamoring on the ground with this smug little triumphant look like, "They came for ME!" Or as we are trying to teach her big brother Ben to stop saying..."Suckers!" The workers seemed very excited that she reacted so clearly to us and told us that she had been waiting all morning. They said she kept going to the door and watching it and knew we were coming. That was a really good start...just don't think about the fact that in a few days she'll wait. And we won't come. That part kind of kills a little. Focus on the next time when we walk through the door, she'll never go back. Anyway, a good day of visitation. Cold...a man, who shall remain nameless, overpacked, leaving someone else with less room for warm clothes so guess who is underdressed? It's okay, my Scandinavian blood is way better at dealing with cold than his is. ;) She played quite a bit more and was much more vocal with us this trip. Before she was more curious about things we had, this trip she's been much more curious about us - willing to play games and touch us and openly expect us to react to her. They installed new playground equipment since our last visit, so we got to teach her to go down a slide. I think she will be joining her Dad and Luke on roller coasters...she loves being thrown in the air and thought the slide and teeter-totter were about the funnest things ever. She giggled non-stop at the slide. There was the climbing the stairs and sitting down a mile away anticipation and then the actual slide and then dad helping her up when she shot off...all very funny apparently. That's definitely the most talking and noise we've heard from her...except throwing the ball. She yells "Opa!" We don't know what it means...we'll have to ask. We were also able to measure her this afternoon - she comes in solidly in a 12-18 month size at 2 1/2 years old. We ate lunch with our coordinator today so he could brief us on what court will look like tomorrow. He's not allowed into court as he works for us, but we'll have a translator appointed by the court. Tomorrow the judge will review every paper in our dossier, read them (or abbreviated versions) to the prosecutor and make sure any questions about them are answered. Our part tomorrow will be pretty small - it's more about the last two months of paperwork. Friday we will be front and center. Court will take about two hrs during which we will questioned about literally anything and everything. Prayer requests: that court the next two days will go well and we will have good and well spoken answers to the many questions (as opposed to getting flustered...)

Moscow and visitation

After about 10 min of trying to figure out how to convince the ipad it wants to have Internet in English as opposed to Russian, I think I am finally ready to blog....something. More of a process as I type on an insanely small keyboard. It's been a trip already. Our flights all went well, even JFK in New York City where we had only a 50 min layover to catch our next flight. The biggest issue was upon arrival. We had hired a car service to pick us up at the international airport in Moscow as our agency doesn't like to have families driving with the amount of cash we have to carry and unknown taxi drivers in unknown countries (you can see their point!). Anyway, what should have been very simple (get off plane, look for guy with sign), was not. 2 hours later we had finally figured out how to find wifi in the airport, contact the driver (he was in an accident enroute), found a pay phone, bought a card to use said phone and hired an airport approved taxi to take us into Moscow. Oddly enough the driver drove about 35 on the highway and flew through downtown (think downtown Denver...) doing about 65. We hit the hotel completely exhausted, took a 6 hour nap, grabbed some food in the hotel restaurant for my birthday dinner and went back to sleep. We met our coordinator, Andrey, the next morning to head to the medical center in Moscow for our medical clearances. We had 8 doctors stamps of approval we had to get - any where from infectious diseases to psychiatry to a surgeon. A little disconcerting...I don't think either one of us anticipated having to take our shirts off that many times and be prodded by someone mumbling in another language. That being said, it could have been a LOT worse. Our coordinator reluctantly left us to walk around Moscow (our independence scares him...he was really worried about us navigating the underground walkway systems) while he went to get his car (parking is crazy so he left it at home since we could easily walk to the doctor...when I say insane think 11,000,000 people.)He directed us to an awesome little steakhouse with great food and we got a few minutes to walk around and see the Kremlin and some sights. It pretty much rained the whole time, so hopefully next time we're here we'll get some more time for that. It took about 3.5 hours to drive from Moscow to Tver - really bad traffic in pouring rain. This morning we had our first visitation to the orphanage after picking up the social worker (she had to observe us again with Esther - she will testify on our behalf at court on Friday). A little different experience...I'll get back to that. Another couple had arrived just ahead of us and, since this was their first trip they get the "good" (read scary stuffed animal cave) room. It was pouring outside, so we, being committed, got to see a little more of the orphanage and to go in through the main play area to essentially the locker room for our visitation. Esther came in and responded exactly the same, which was good to see. Someone (most likely our coordinator and the workers) had worked with her on some words so she was directed to me as "mama" which was like the cutest thing ever. She seemed to recognize us, my bag and Bryan's phone which was exciting to see (even the social worker noticed it and remarked on it). We seemed to start off just about where we left off - she climbed into my lap and started singing the same little song she finally got brave and sang last time. To her brothers: her favorite thing we brought was the legos I grabbed as we went out the door. :) That was the good side. The rest kind of...was a lot to process. We were taken through the doors into the area she actually lives in. The main section of the orphanage where she lives with about 8 or 9 other children is about 4 rooms - a room full of cribs, a room with a basic nursery set up - toys, couches and little chairs - a tiny kitchen and a small locker room where each child had a wooden locker for their coat and shoes and the workers changed out of their street clothes and into uniforms. There were 2 overwhelming features of those rooms...the smell and the other children. She is definitely blessed to have her mental capabilities as sound as they appear. While there are no children with severe conditions with her, the majority clearing have some mental and emotional issues - obvious signs of fetal alcohol syndrome, etc. Extremely aggressive. One little girl had a black eye. One had the remainder of a bloody nose. Perhaps the most shocking was Esther's ear with obvious teeth marks - literally almost through her ear (and it's mostly healed so it could have pierced it...). While walking through the room one of the little boys attacked Bryan in a flying tackle and bit his leg. Several of the children made a beeline for the door every time it opened. And the smell. You really can't describe smell like that...and I know these are GOOD conditions. This is a GOOD orphanage. Our agency has a charitable foundation (you can google Kidsfirst foundation) that works closely with this orphanage (the outdoor improvements and work with their meals are all courtesy of fundraising they have done). But it is still an orphanage. The second visit of the day we found we couldn't handle staying inside again - we were assigned the locker room, private, but with a lot going on outside the door and still the one fluorescent bulb in a dark room with the smell...we asked instead if we could take her outside since the rain had stopped. A lot of improvement has happened to the outside since we left. Almost all the playground equipment is up and numerous shelters. MUCH more conducive to visiting and playing and much better smelling! (side note...to everyone who gave us things to bring over for her, we didn't bring everything (we wanted some fresh things for next time), but she loved everything! It helped so much with entertaining her. Thank you all!). We got a substantial amount of time again...maybe 5 hours today total. And I think that seeing the real conditions (as opposed to the "sterile" version they try to paint for the first trip) is important. Knowing exactly what she is coming from will help - your perspective changes when you see exactly how she spent the first two years of life. Tomorrow we have visitation again and then the next 2 days are court - apparently two sessions, each maybe 2 hours long. Meanwhile, the battery on the iPad is dying and I still smell like orphanage, so I think a shower is in order! Prayer requests: for less rain so we can visit outside instead of indoors For court on TH and FR (Wed and TH evening in the States) For Esther's health and safety

Preparations

As we have worked through what has seemed at times like an insurmountable stack of paperwork in the last few weeks, I find myself drawing more and more parallels between our physical and spiritual adoption.
I know the parallels have always been there.  As a child I loved this song that went something along the lines of:

I am adopted

I'm a special kid you see

there's room in His big kingdom

for a million kids like me

My Father owns the kingdom

He sits upon the throne

He gives me everything I need

I'm glad to just belong

I'm adopted

I'm chosen

I bear my Father's name

Just living a life of luxury

In the castle with the King

As a child it was a comforting thought.  I didn't really feel like I belonged.  I was ridiculed and bullied.  The thought that I was princess because my Father had adopted me was one that boosted my faith.  Now, looking at our pending physical adoption, the spiritual elements seem so much more tangible.  No wonder God commanded us to take care of the orphans.  We live out in our Christianity the very thing He has done for us.
I've spent a lot of time thinking about the "gotcha day" that is, hopefully, coming soon.  We've been preparing.  We will have everything ready to go. A place for her already carved out in our home and in our family's minds and hearts. Her brothers pray for her.  Her life will go, in the blink of an eye, from one where she was once unwanted and in poverty and alone, to one where her every need is met.  One where she is surrounded by comfort and love and wanted.  But she has no idea.  We have the benefit of 2 years of planning and months of preparation. One day she will be carried out the only life she knows and her life will never be the same.  The kicker is, she won't know.  In fact, she will fight it.  She has no idea and no way of knowing her life is about to be infinitely better -- she will be an heir in our home, with the same rights and privileges as the other children.   Once she enters her new life, she will have to adapt and change.  Her behaviors, her language, her attitudes will all be molded to our home.  Even after she adjusts, we can expect her to fall back into old patterns and old behaviors.  Are you following the thought process here?  God knew in advance and chose us.  He pursued us. He brought us out of spiritual depravity and the orphanage of the world and adopted us. We were carried out.  He made us heirs. He gave us the rights of sons.  But we fight it.  Even though what He has planned for our lives is infinitely better than anything we could provide for ourselves or the world can provide for us, we fight it.  We think we know best. Our old nature and habits get the better of us. It is a constant process of being molded to the image of Christ and what a member of His household should be.  Is there any wonder He says, "Now go and do for others what I have done for you."?  We are a living breathing, tangible example to the world around us of what Christ has done for us.  It makes no sense.  We have 4 children, a beautiful home, a comfortable life. There is no sane reason to pursue an adoption, particularly at this time of our lives.  Let alone one that upsets our lives and turns things upside down.  But aren't we told that the wisdom of God is foolishness to the world?

As we prepare to travel this week, please pray:
*For travel mercies
*For my sister and brother here with the kids
*For our court hearings on Th and Fr (it will be Wed and Th here in the States)
*Our time with Esther, that even though she is young God will use that time to bring familiarity with us so her transition will be less traumatic on her.

Allergy free Dark Chocolate Cake in a Cup

I've wanted to adapt this recipe for a while, but just never tried.  Last night I made Bryan brownies for his birthday and made the mistake of tasting them.  Which initiated a must.have.chocolate.now frenzy.  A couple recipes on google later I had some basic ratios and poof, in less than 5 minutes a rich, dark chocolately cup of dense chocolately goodness.  It was so rich I could only eat half a cup, so I threw a wrap on and let the rest sit overnight.  Even better.  I'd undercook it slightly next time, but all in all, a HUGE success.

Allergy free Dark Chocolate Cake in a Cup

In a microwave proof mug, measure 3 T warm water. Add 2 T ground flax seed. Let set 30 sec.  (Alternatively, if you can handle eggs, use 1 egg instead).
Add:
 3 T milk (I used coconut)
 1 tsp vanilla
 1 T melted coconut oil
 3 T flour (my next step is to try it gluten free for my boys...I see no reason why it won't work.)
 3 T cocoa powder
 4 T sugar
1 oz chopped dark chocolate or 3 T chocolate chips (optional)

Mix well.  Microwave 2 to 2 1/2 min..

I wish it was more difficult.  But seriously, this will give you a dairy free, egg free, soy free personal chocolate cake (I'd say it's closer to a brownie) in a matter of minutes.  You can thank me later.

Allergy Free, Gluten Free Chocolate Cake in a Cup

So, I've been slowly cutting wheat out of my diet, thinking that some of the residual swelling issues I still have are related (and they seem to be...).  We have 3 boys who are allergic to wheat, but seem to tolerate spelt (and of course, other gluten free flours such as sorghum, buckwheat, rice, etc).  The other night I was having a serious chocolate craving and there wasn't a drop to be found (like, seriously.  NO chocolate.).  Except unsweetened baking chocolate.  So, I decided to play around.  I tweaked it again tonight and honestly, I might like it better than the original and, it's even MORE guilt free.

In a microwave proof cup add:
3T milk (I used unsweetened almond)
1 square unsweetened baking chocolate

Microwave 30 sec-1 min or until chocolate begins to melt.  Let set, stir and return if needed until mixture is smooth and chocolate is completely melted. Add:

1 tsp vanilla
3 T sugar

Stir til smooth.  Add:

2 T gluten free flour mix (I used spelt since I had it on hand, and, as I said, I'm experimenting)
2 T almond flour/meal

Return to microwave for about 1.5 min depending on your microwave.  You want it to still a little gooey in the center -- it will set up more as it cools.  At 2 min mine was too dry for my taste.  Let set a couple minutes so you don't burn your tongue...logistical really.  If you have a tough tongue, you can have at it. Ha!  Add a scoop of vanilla coconut ice cream on top if desired.

Saying goodbye

Today was most likely our last day seeing our daughter for the next month. While we fully realize that these visits are essentially for the parents good and most children that are very young will not remember the visit, it does give us some inclination of things to bring next trip (she appreciates balls, things that shake, things you hit and paper that tears) and photo memories for one day down the road. Bryan did pull all the right strings today to see if he could get me to cry...he, of course, won by asking if I thought we were going to say yes to the referral. I mean seriously. I'm holding this tiny little girl who in her 2 years of life has had 2 surgeries and bears the scars of both, has lost her family, been refused by so many and he seriously is going to ask me that? ME? This is the woman he's witnessed spend an hour at midnight catching a half dead kitten that we thought was paralyzed under a dumpster and tame it and nurse it back to health. He's witnessed an entire marriage conference giggle when the speaker pronounced my score on a personality test to be about one point from being Mother Theresa. Um, yeah, not a funny joke, although he got a good laugh out of knowing exactly how to play me and watching me tear up when I went off. Pain. We spent a few more loooooooooong hours with her today. There is just only so much you can do with a toddler you can't communicate with and construction going on in the orphanage grounds and no playground. She took advantage of people who would hold her and napped. It's amazing how heavy twenty pounds can be...but pretty cute too. Her soothing method is to shove both thumbs in her mouth and cover her face with her tiny little hands. Stealing her thumbs makes her maaad. The second visit we got smart and asked for a ball to bring out. She developed a game with Bryan (who she was a little afraid of as there are very few men they see in the orphanage) where she threw the ball and would pretend to fall down til he came to rescue her. The first rime she truly fell and apparently thought it was pretty fun to get rescued. After that she was giggling before he even got her most times. Her brothers are going to spoil her rotten. We've gotten to talk to the boys by Skype a couple times now which as been great. We put Skype on our phones before we left so we had a little easier and cheaper way to communicate. It's worked out really well. Bryan just got back from a run so we're going to head down for dinner and then maybe take a walk after some more pastries (shhhhhh! We have orders to only eat at the hotel restaurant as the coordinator does not know what else is safe in this town.) We figure pastries are a pretty safe cheat - that was our "thing" in Europe. We would look for bakeries and go after local bake goods as our treat. Yesterday we bought huge slices of something that looked like a slice of something covered with chocolate ( turned out to be slice of spongecake as crust with a slice of homemade marshmallow dipped in chocolate) and a ball of chocolate (basically a wad of brownie dough in taste and texture...). Part of the fun is having NO idea what you're getting. You just point and pay! Well, Bryan is finishing sky ping with the boys, so I guess update 3 is over. Tomorrow we file our paperwork and have our initial interview with the judge. We might fit in some souvenir shopping before we head back to Moscow. Oh...on that note we found out today that we needed to name her TODAY. We were not expecting that, so after some discussion we decided that the boys would get to choose her name. Before we left they all thought her name should be Esther Anastasia because Esther was the story of an orphan who became queen. So....her name is officially Esther Anastasia Lass. We plan on nicknaming her Essie.

Just a quick update. We didn't have any WI-fi at the hotel yesterday, so there was no communications available. We got spend even longer with her yesterday as we could just go straight to the orphanage. The first day they were careful to put her in dress clothes and brush her hair and put little hats on her. That was pretty much over yesterday. It was a little cool and rainy in the morning so we stayed inside for the first visitation. Tiny little dark and warm room with some giant stuffed animals that are a little creepy. She was very tired and cranky and ended up falling asleep. The second visitation we took her outside again...funny how we travelled halfway around the world to meet a child who loves books and music and the outdoors and has a high energy level. That seems vaguely familiar. ;) As a side note...my goodness orphanages are rough places! She has bruises and bumps all over from kids being rough with each other (we walked in yesterday just as a bigger kid tried to take a toy from her and she clocked him over the head with it. That seems to be standard procedure.) She was dressed with less undershirts today so we checked her belly and were shocked at the scars from her surgery. Two huge scars on such a tiny little tummy. I can't even imagine what she has gone through so early in life with that intensive of surgery. I don't imagine the medical care for her is quite as delicate and thorough as it would e for someone else here. We head back today for 2 more visitations and then tomorrow meet with the judge for an interview and to turn in some paperwork (essentially filing for the adoption here in Russia).

It's been a long few days. I say "few days" because at this point I'm not really sure exactly how many days it's been. We lost a day during the flight so I'm thinking we just finished Friday and you all are just beginning it. The flight was long. 3 flights over 16+ hours with stops in Minneapolis and Amsterdam. Coming back we can look forward to 22 hours, which should be a great time. :) We arrived in Moscow around 6:45 in the evening and met the coordinator here on the Russian end. He speaks very fluent English with little accent(yay!)and reminds us of the guy on Ratatouille. Very informative and much more clear on exactly what this process entails here in the country and region. The town we are in is about halfway between Moscow and St Petersburg. it reminds me a lot of the UP of Michigan and Northern WI where my grandparents live, except with giant vegetation which I totally didn't expect. To Natasha-you like aspens. You should see these. Huge. Whatever the biggest Aspen you've seen in the States is, double it. Same goes for our normal cedar. Lots of undergrowth and these big flowers over 6 feet tall with huge, table size leaves and dinner plate size clusters of white flowers. Those grow in their own mini "forests". Lots of water with the Volga coming right through this area. The drive from the airport to our hotel was about 3 hours even though it's relatively close. Traffic is...entertaining. But having Thailand to compare to keeps it in perspective for us! They do not have lanes but rather a road all vehicles have in common. However many you can fit is how many lanes there are at any given time. If you are making a turn you just inching into oncoming traffic until a gap opens up big enough to shoot through. Traffic moves fast and there is no such thing as pedestrian right aways, even though buses stop in the middle of the road and traffic to let passengers out and pick up new ones! The roads are in fairly bad disrepair with a lot of potholes so if you do get a relatively open stretch of road the cars go through the potholes like a slalom course. Our hotel is nice, pretty Americanized and seems to cater to adoptive parents (since there is little tourism in this area, adoptive parents are one of the larger groups of foreigners this town sees). We ate breakfast in the hotel, which was, well, not your normal continental breakfast. Meatballs, sausage, crepes stuffed with the meatball mixture, some squares of cottage cheese mixture with, as far as I could tell, mayo (apparently a very common condimen/ sauce here), tomatoes, cucumbers and fruit along with a milky hot dish I would guess was a variation of porridge. At 9 we met our coordinator, Andrei, to begin our day. We had several small steps that needed to be taken before our visitation at the orphanage - meeting with the lady in charge of the Dept of education which includes the database of orphans and picking up the social worker who needed to be there for the first visit to observe us with the child and will later report to the judge her opinion of how we treated her. So not at all intimidating. The first stop we got to find out a little more, like her birthday, and officially file for the referral here in Russia. If you're still reading, chances are it's just to get to this point. :). How do you even explain meeting a child that can't speak your language while being observed by a room full of people? I think at one count it was us and 4 other adults in a tiny little room. We had been cautioned several times by Andrei that she was very shy, very attatched to a couple of caregivers and that she had cried and wouldn't go near the other lady. We had to wait a few minutes while they dressed her (much fancier than normal clothing). Just to keep us guessing and apparently to work with us to impress everyone, she came to us with no hesitation at all. We were told later that this really impressed everyone as it was very unusual for her. We spent about a half hour under observation and then the social worker gave us more specifics on her case and the orphanage doctor came down to answer any questions (which were very few as the other lady who had met her asked many, many questions of several doctors which was passed on to us). At that point someone decided we were good and we ushered outside with her and abandoned. :) What do you do with a kid who can't understand a word you're saying? She was very impressed with the book (thank you Grace!)of photos of her brothers (brats in Russian, pronounced like the sausage, not the naughty kid). She was very interested in the social workers purse so we played a rousing game of empty and taste everything in mom's purse instead. As a side note, just after she came into the room she chucked her toy at someone. Bryan said his first impulse was to apologize for his kid's behavior just like she was one of the boys. Nastia ("a" as in "awe" - while her given name is Anastasia, they call her this nickname) was very active. Outside was much more conducive to really interacting with her. We jumped off the curb, threw sticks and got to see a little more of her personality. Let's just say, to anyone who said she would need to be tough to deal with 4 brothers, I think she can hold her own. She is very tiny and you would guess from her size and development that she is just over a year, rather than over 2 yes old. Our visit was probably a little over an hour til she needed to go back in. We ran and grabbed lunch and a short nap before going back for a much more informal visit - as in, here's the kid, just don't leave the grounds. We had a fairly long amount of time and at some point someone had mentioned that she loves music so Bryan pulled out his phone and put a little Burlap to Cashmere going. She was fairly hesitant of him (they see very few men), right up til then. It took about half a song for her to decide that Burlap to Cashmere rocks ( which they do) and that a tiny portable device that plays music may be the single coolest thing she's ever had. Most of the remainder of the time she rocked out (literally...the boys may have to assign her as drummer in the band...) and pitched a massive fit (feet kicking, screaming, bloodcurdling crying and a death grip on the phone) when the song stopped (as songs do) or we tried to touch the phone. The coordinator popped out to check on us and tried to touch it just to see if we were really serious. He thought it was pretty funny. Like a true American child, she spent most of the time with the cell phone held up to her ear. We were able to stay at the orphanage for much longer - I'm thinking close to 2 hours. We had heard many people talk about only seeing the child once or twice or a few minutes before they completed the adoption. This region works very differently and the judge will specifically ask how many times we saw her and likes it to be a lot. That being said, since we are here on a weekend (unusual due to the vacation in July beginning Monday - the judge is coming in to meet with us to do the initial interview on what's technically her first day of vacation), we actually get a day extra of visitation, so we should see her twice tomorrow and Sunday for those same lengths of time. We were not prepared for that and next time will bring more busy toddler interactive toys since rocks and a refill of new items in the purse and the cell phone got a little old! Tomorrow we hope to have a little more downtime to walk around town a little. Meanwhile it's 11 here and in a bid to fight the jet lag I should probably get to bed. Prayer requests: for my allergies to behave - the amount of vegetation in much larger form of trees and grasses we have in Gillette is not helpful for my asthma and I'm getting really severe side aches from it. Pray also that paperwork on Monday goes smoothly and that our meeting with the judge goes well. :)

You're....adopting?

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that we caught a lot of people off guard when we announced our decision to adopt.  Responses ranged from excitement to confusion to essentially pretending we hadn't said anything until months down the road when they realized it wasn't a joke.  But we still hear the question. A lot.  Why?
Yep. We have 4 kids.  Yes, most people think that is MORE than enough children.  Yes, we're really adopting.
We first talked about adoption more than a decade ago.  No one knew.  We were young, had only been married a few years and were thinking about starting a family.  We're both pretty practical people with an analytical lean and tend to think through things from mulitple angles before we make decisions.  Nothing is guaranteed when having children.  We both agreed that if we had problems or somehow couldn't have kids, we would feel God was calling to adopt.  While you know the end of that story, we did have some problems.  It took a full 2 years for me to have Isaac.  Inevitably, if you're young and healthy and it doesn't happen instantly, you get serious in the "what if" discussion.  We discussed adoption again.
Fast forward a decade and 4 boys.  Everytime a boy was born one of us would jokingly say, "Well, I guess we'll have to adopt a girl someday...hahahahahaha".  It wasn't that we weren't satisfied with what God was giving us.  It was simply that adoption was in the back of our minds.
Somewhere in the joking, we actually discussed the pros and cons of international vs domestic adoption.  We have several different friends who have adopted. A couple of them, in particular, we watched for literally a decade, try to adopt.  Both of us agreed that, while every child that is coming from a difficult past or has been abandoned or in foster care has a higher risk of becoming a statistic, international orphans face almost insurmountable odds.  Like it or not, we do still live in the United States and opportunities are there for anyone who really wants to find them and work for it.  In other countries, that's not the case.  We also both agreed that we would not feel right standing in line in front of couples like our friends who had tried to adopt for so long and couldn't go overseas.  We would want to go somewhere where there wasn't a line.  Somewhere where if we didn't provide a home, there might well not be another.  We would want the child that had no hope.
My pregnancies were not easy.  What we realize now was probably enhanced by my allergies, was miserable.  I was sick, I had back pain so severe that at times I couldn't walk and would literally have to work up to getting out of bed or getting into the car.  My feet swelled so badly that I couldn't wear shoes.  The bigger our family got, the more difficult it was for me to function.  My labors and deliveries were not easy.  We had always thought we would have 4 kids and when the last boy was born, we decided that, for the overall good of the family and my own health, we were finished.  It wasn't long after we made that decision that I began thinking about a daughter.  I had always heard people say that a woman goes through those thoughts when she knows she's done with babies and I assumed that it was simply that.  However, instead of going away, the feeling became more intense.  I remember laying in bed and just praying that God would take away this desire that I had no idea where it was coming from and make me satisfied with the beautiful family He had given me.  But, increasingly, it seemed to be an idea coming from Him, not from me.  Eventually, that feeling turned to adoption.  In the beginning of the summer of 2010, I started praying differently.  I began to pray that IF God was calling me to adopt, He would give Bryan that same calling.  While he knew I was struggling a little with the idea of being done having kids, he didn't know that adoption had crossed my mind.  If God calls one spouse to do something, He will call the other to support it.  So I started praying.  2 months later, in August of 2010, Bryan, out of the blue, said, "I think maybe we should look at adopting a little girl."
I wasn't 100% sure he was serious, but that day I got online and ran a search for international adoption.  I chose the first one that looked reputable and filled out an information request.  2 weeks later, we got a pretty blue folder in the mail.  We were driving to Denver that weekend, so for fun and knowing we were trapped in the car for 6 hours, I took the folder along and read it outloud to Bryan.  It was a weekend trip.  Halfway back to Gillette, we realized the pro and con list we were making had eternal "pros" and temporal "cons".  On the pros were things like providing a stable family for a child who had none.  On the cons were things like "what do we do with the kids for 3 weeks while we fly somewhere?".  How do you tell God "no" when you're looking at choosing something eternal over something for temporary convenience?
Our conversation changed to "where?".  Immediately we narrowed it down to China or Russia.  There wasn't really a rhyme or reason.  We knew we would be adopting a girl and those 2 country seemed to jump out at us.  By the time we got home we knew we were adopting and I had a list: choose a country and an agency.
Bryan assigned me to choose the country.  He said that THIS is where the whole woman emotional pull thing might come in handy.  He also knows I love to research.  My job was to research the 2 countries and decide which one I felt more strongly pulled toward.  China had a long wait.  A LONG wait.  And it was really...happy.  Once you land in China for one long trip, you meet your child and they get to be with you from then on.  One site in particular made me laugh.  In the agreements for each country, there was a checklist of things for adoptive parents to be aware of.  Russia had a long list.  A detailed list.  Things not to talk about and who not to talk about them in front of.  Do not jaywalk.  Do not talk about this.  It was pretty scary sounding.  China said...we look forward to helping you adopt from China!  With a little sunshine in the corner.  Russia scared the snot out of me.  It also became more and more clear that was where we were supposed to be.  Bryan said, "So, we're going with the more expensive, more travel required, more dangerous one?"  Yep, it sounded crazy and absolutely all common sense said to pick China, but Russia...Russia broke my heart.  700,000+ orphans.  Thousands aging out every year that have never been outside the orphanage.  No life skills. No vocation. 2 in 10 committing suicide in the first couple years they spend outside. 60% becoming involved with drugs and alcohol.  40% in jail. 50% of girls becoming prostitutes.  2 in 10.  2.  Go on to live a "normal" life and become a contributing, functioning member of society.  8 fail.  2 are successful.  That's 20%.  My math might be bad, but even I know if 8 children fail and 2 succeed, that's a whole lot of people that are walking wounded.  The statistics aren't pretty in any country, but somehow Russia struck the chord.  The more I researched, the more sure I was.
By October of 2010 we had made a decision, picked a country, researched and debated agencies and were starting the first steps of applying.  We hadn't told anyone.  We started using the name "Anastacia" to refer to the adoption and the account we had started to raise funds.  And we hurried up and waited.  That's what adoption is for us so far.  Hurry up.  Get this and this and this and this here.  And then wait.  And wait.  And wait.
We're, God willing, nearing the end of that wait.  We have a face and name (ok, so turns out we "accidentally" knew the name the whole time...).  And soon we'll have more.

Referral time!

So, the original reason I even got a blog was that once the adoption got moving I could use it to communicate with a lot of people very quickly and easily -- even from Russia.  Obviously with the exception of a couple posts at the beginning this has been used more as a "keep recipes I make up from getting lost" sort of application! BUT  we have a referral, so it's time to use this for it's intended purpose.
We got our referral last Tuesday, the morning after Andrew's 7th birthday.  That sticks in my head because that night he came and gave me a giant hug (he's our huggy guy) and said "Mom, WHEN are we getting my baby sister?"  I told him to go back to bed and to pray about it, that only God knows when we'd find out and then, just half joking, told him to was ok to pray that it happened SOON!  He's pretty sure that his prayer alone brought a picture of her the next morning!
Apparently he wasn't the only one on the cusp of knowing...my sister had a dream that same night that we got our referral and even dreamt some of the details -- like the fact that she was part of a family and they couldn't keep her and had other kids!
The biggest "God wink" if you've heard that term before, was opening the referral.  We decided in Sept of 2010 to begin this process.  We didn't tell anyone else until later that fall, but we did immediately open a new savings account and start dumping anything we could into it.  Our code word for the adoption was "Anastacia" and we called the account the "Anastacia account".  If you're not familiar with Russian history, Anastacia was the youngest daughter of the last Czar of Russia.  When the Communists came in, they had the entire family killed.  Ever since there have been rumors that she, as a very young child, somehow was saved or escaped and people even have come forward claiming to be the lost princess and presenting their case. In the early 90's there was a cartoon movie called Anastacia about the story.  I was familiar with the history and Bryan was familiar with the movie, so he suggested that as our name for the adoption.  When we opened the referral, my speedreading caught a glimpse of the name of the file as it was opening...Anastacia.  Now, I don't know if that was her birth name or if the orphanage renamed her, but, what are the chances that over a year ago we "accidentally" started calling her her real name?  Somewhere, God must have been chuckling.
So, here we are.  A list a mile long of visa confirmations and paperwork in quadruplicate notarized and apostilled and little boys to prepare for mom and dad being gone for a while and the house and food and allergies to get ready for Caitlin, my soon to be sister who is apparently going to get initiated by fire, to come care for them.  A LOT to accomplish this week.  We fly out to Moscow on the 20th and we will return the 26th.  This is our first trip -- this is the meet her and officially file to adopt her in Russia.  Hopefully we will internet access most of the time so we can keep this updated while we are over there!

Prayer Requests:
*Travel arrangements -- we have our tickets and our visas in progress, but we need to call and confirm something about the visas that we were unable to get done before the weekend.  This means that they should have been moving forward Friday and instead got put on hold. We only have a few days window of extra time for them.
*The boys and Caitlin here
*My ability to stay focused and able to complete the task at hand -- if you know me, you know I can get easily distracted...hey, look!  Something shiny!...I have a lot to get done this week and the sooner the better.

Allergy friendly skin care

I wanted to make my own body lotion for quite awhile before I found the right recipe. I'm pretty lazy (or have very little time to mess with things like this...), so I had quite a few specifics that said recipe had to meet. It couldn't have shea butter (people with tree nut allergies often react to it), it needed to be the right consistency(not completely harden like the first recipe I tried, or be too watery and separate like others) or leave that oily layer. Most of all, it needed to be fast, not too touchy and have consistent results. This one, with just a little tweaking, finally fit the bill. Most ingredients are ones already in my pantry and the others are simple and easy to find at any health food store, or if you're like me, ordered and delivered to my doorstep from any number of sites or sellers on ebay. On top of that, you'll pay about what you pay for generic lotion in the store. We all use it -- the boys use it on their faces and lips and eczema and it does amazing. The best compliment I ever got was at a facial where they do your throat and chest as well. The aesthetician told me I had remarkably soft skin and asked what I used. I was pretty proud of my lotion! : ) When I first started making it, I just saved some old lotion pump bottles and when it cools, but before it's totally set up, I use a funnel and pour it into those. Otherwise little boys tend to use wayyyyyyyy more than they need!

I'm also including the sugar scrub I use. I use it on my body and often, unless it's really dry (which happens in Wyoming), don't need to even use lotion. I had to play around in the kitchen to even figure out exactly what the ratio of sugar to oil that I use is -- usually I just stop by the kitchen and dump some sugar and oil in a container on my way to the shower. The sugar exfoliates as it dissolves and the oil soaks into your skin. two notes : make sure you pat and not rub it dry or you'll wipe the oil off and watch your step -- showers do get slippery with any type of product, but particularly oil based. I also use this on my face with great results. Olive oil is one of the few oils that won't clog your skin and cause breakouts. The sugar can be a little harsh it you have sensitive skin. Just add a bit of warm water to your hands to dissolve it until you get your own personalized ratio.

Sugar Scrub

1 c sugar

¼ c olive oil or oil of choice

Optional: 4-5 drops essential oils

Mix well to combine. Store in sealed container. Rub into skin at end of warm shower until grains dissolve. Rinse off and pat dry.

Homemade lotion

1 ¼ c distilled water

¼ c emulsifying wax

1/4 c choice of oils (I use mostly olive oil with a tablespoon or so coconut oil)

2 T cocoa butter

24-36 drops essential oils (I use several drops Vitamin E and Avocado Oil and add a ½ tsp vanilla extract)

Heat water in microwave until very hot. Combine remaining ingredients in a large bowl. Add hot water and whick til smooth and creamy. Let cool slightly, stirring periodically. If lotion thickens more than desired, simply add water ¼ at a time, mixing well with each addition until desired thickness. If using Vitamin E, let cool slightly before adding. Keeps about 3 weeks. This is pretty rich -- a little goes a long ways!

Energizing Apricot Mask

½ c dried apricots

½ c warm water

1 T honey

Place in blender and process until smooth. Spread over face. Let set 15 min. Rinse skin well with warm water.

Moisturizing Avocado Mask

½ avocado, mashed

1 tsp honey

Mix til smooth. Spread over face and leave on 15 min. Rinse well with warm water.